Insomniac
by bunniesRawesome
Summary: Hiro can't sleep. Maybe Tadashi can help, or maybe he's the problem. Warnings: (Hidashi,Underage, Incest, Drug use)
1. A Little Mistake

It was 2:00 AM on a cold night in December.

And Hiro Hamada couldn't sleep.

Now, Hiro wasn't known to be an insomniac, rather he just got so caught up in his ideas that he'd...well let's just say _forget_ to sleep. With that super genius brain of his coming up with new ideas at the most inopportune times, including ungodly hours in the morning; it was difficult for the fourteen year old high-school graduate to sleep.

But contrary to all of this, tonight was one of those rare nights when Hiro truly believed he _was _an insomniac. There were a billion other random things on his mind, different sensations he'd experienced throughout the day, the fact that his blanket didn't seem to stretch over his toes and now was the only time he'd ever been able to notice, along with other completely useless bits of information occupying his brain. He twisted and turned under the covers, suddenly becoming hyper-aware of every light brush against his skin as he swiveled his head around on his cotton pillow. A slight gust of wind blew in from the cracks of their windowsill, and it became apparent that actually achieving comfort was impossible.

Hiro sighed, kicking off the heavy but useless blankets and sitting up. He stared blankly into the dark for awhile, letting his eyes adjust before making any kind of decision. Should he work on something? Would that tire him out enough to get a few measly hours of rest? Or would it just wake him up even more? The groggy teenager made his way to the computer he shared with his brother, swiveling around in the chair for a couple seconds before actually turning on the monitor.

He flicked on the little blue switch, only to have his eyes assaulted by the dim glow and his pupils flood with light. Hiro only made it to the desktop before turning it back off again. There wasn't enough energy left in him to start or continue a project for that matter. He _wanted_ to sleep. He just _couldn't_. Forcing himself back out of the chair, Hiro almost made it back to his bed when he realized the sliding door leading to his brother's side of the room was slightly ajar.

Hiro, the child prodigy, didn't have a single logical thought that led him to believe his brother would help his situation. But he slipped through the gap in the door anyways. He was tired. That seemed logical enough at the time.

His eyes had re-adjusted to the dark again, and he could make out his brother's sleeping form, hear his soft breathing, and see the rising and falling of what was assumed to be his chest.

"Tadashi…", Hiro whispered, waking himself up a little when he instinctively clasped his hands over his mouth to prevent any more comments that might wake up his sleeping sibling.

He stood by Tadashi's bedside and stared for a few minutes, listening to his breathing and trying to sync his own respiration. He felt his knees lock and swayed a little bit, closing his eyes but still standing, inhaling and exhaling to match his brother, only a little heavier, and a little louder.

"...Hiro?", a dazed voice murmured, causing the younger sibling's breath to hitch. All of his efforts, wasted.

"...Hiro, what are you doing?", came the voice again, slightly clearer, less infected with the bliss of slumber.

The black-haired teen was still standing, with his eyes still closed, only now he had a finger to his lips.

"Shhh.", he responded sharp and quick, letting the arm go limp at his side and trying to refocus the pattern he'd worked so hard to achieve. But the quiet chuckle that sounded from behind the maroon of his eyelids almost immediately destroyed the attempt. And soon enough they were both laughing hysterically like one of them had told the funniest joke in existence, because god damn it all Tadashi's laugh was way too contagious.

Now both of them were way more awake than they should've been. Both pairs of eyes were open and both pupils dilated in the dark. Maybe it was from the lack of light; maybe it was from pointless excitement.

"So what _are_ you doing, exactly?", Tadashi questioned again, laughter still intertwined with his speech.

"Move over.", Hiro interrupted, completely ignoring the query and making odd unseen motions with his hands. But his brother complied without hesitation, scooting to the other side of his already quite small bed and lifting the blanket to allow the younger sibling to crawl underneath and join him. A wave of warmth hit Hiro the second he lied down, and at first he couldn't tell if it was from the blanket or the body next to him.

"Can't sleep?", Tadashi asked, finally getting an answer in the form of a slight nod. Hiro slowly inched his way closer to his brother under the sheets, confirming his previous hypothesis when he felt the temperature rise ever so slightly.

"I don't know why…", Hiro drawled, half dazed and somehow still wide awake.

"Why, what?", the older brother asked, his mind elsewhere.

"Why I can't sleep.", the younger replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world, almost a bit offended.

"Oh...right.", Tadashi yawned, eyes drifting shut but mouth still slightly open, showing just a bit of his tongue and the top row of teeth.

Hiro knew if they had a whole conversation like this Tadashi would never remember it in the morning. It would be like a slumber party at 4 AM, where everybody told their secrets but were always so out of it you could've just assumed they were drunk. Although, maybe he could use this to his advantage…

"I just...I don't want to be a _burden_.", Hiro continued, unusually quiet compared to the volume they'd just been speaking at.

"You're certainly not a burden, what would make you think that?", Tadashi replied, an unusual amount of sincerity in his voice for someone whose eyes were closed.

"Like...at times like this I feel like I'm...like I'm bothering you-", the younger teen explained, drawing himself close enough to hear the heartbeat caged in his brother's ribcage.

"No...don't think like that Hiro, I'll _always_ be here for you.", there was an eerily long pause before Tadashi continued.

"I know I haven't been all that social lately with all the work I've been doing at the lab, and I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier, but I'm not mad at you. The project deadlines have just been putting some stress on me, but I'll still love you and support you no matter what happens. Remember that, okay?", he ended his speal by brushing aside Hiro's long bangs and planting a kiss on his forehead. Hiro couldn't help but wonder if his eyes were still closed.

_Just tell him. _

Hiro felt a tingling sensation bubble up in his stomach as the word "love" was expelled from his brother's lips. It shouldn't have, but it did. What Hiro shamefully felt was a different kind of love.

_Just tell him._

Despite the young genius' extensive knowledge on fancy technical terms in robotics and mechanical engineering, he didn't know how to properly express his emotions, which was turning out to be quite problematic.

_Just tell him. _

He inhaled heavily,slowly, much louder than the rabbit-like breathing and rapidly thumping heartbeat he'd accustomed himself to in the past couple of minutes. Tadashi was...so close to him right now. Maybe he could just...express his feelings in a non-verbal way. WIth that tired and illogical thought in mind, Hiro let his eyelids fall and brought his face close enough where he could feel his brother's warm breaths entering his own mouth.

He shuddered involuntarily, caught in between sleep and awareness, unsure of which side to plead for, which side would make him seem more innocent. With a slight tilt of his head to the left, and part of him sinking into the pillow beneath him, Hiro pressed his tightly sealed lips to Tadashi's slightly parted ones. His entire body tingled from the contact.

The older sibling experienced a delayed reaction, the sudden feeling of someone's lips against his own and his eyes fluttered open, revealing his brother clutching at him desperately in the dark. It took a moment for the action to register in his mind, and when it clicked Tadashi yanked his head back.

"...Wh-what was that?"


	2. Melatonin

Primarily, the reaction was to panic.

Hiro just kissed his brother in a way brothers weren't meant to be kissed. How was he to explain himself? Would his brother forgive him? Would he forgive _himself_? The pang of regret spread through his body like a viscous liquid, starting as a pinch in his mouth and soon clogging up his throat like moist toilet paper, disabling his ability to speak. He just stared, wide eyed and shaky, at the scowl that he interpreted as disappointment. Or maybe...something else. He'd never seen his brother make a face quite like that before. And yet deep in the back of his mind, Hiro still wanted to kiss him again. He was sickening. He had practically the highest IQ in a city full of nerds and he still managed to disgust himself. Hiro swallowed hard and continued to stare as Tadashi waited for some kind of half hearted explanation. He watched as his older sibling's eyes softened and his heartbeat quieted itself to the confines of his own chest.

"...Hiro?", Tadashi whispered, gently, as if talking to an animal that might scurry away at any moment. But the short teen who was swimming in bulky blankets couldn't find any words to defend his tired actions. Although he doubted he would've been able to if he was awake either. So he did the only thing that seemed logical at the time. He cried.

He turned the tables, guilting Tadashi into thinking it was his fault instead of sucking it up and taking the blame. It would make Hiro feel even worse, but then again it would fuel the tears, the steady, salty streams cascading down cheeks from bloodshot eyes. He wouldn't admit to being a _compulsive_ liar, but he'd gotten pretty good at avoiding the truth recently.

"...I'm sorry, I just-", Hiro muttered before gulping in another desperate mouth of air. But his lungs still ached for the breath of his brother.

Tadashi gave in just as easily as expected. His formerly scrunched up face now extended to express worry rather than discomfort. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around his frail younger brother in an attempt to stop the shaky shoulders and shallow intakes of air.

At that moment Hiro wished to be anything but a genius. He wished the numbers would stop running through his head and allow him a brief moment of sanity or an even briefer moment to romanticize his horrible life choices.

The Hamada brothers were close. Closer than a healthy relationship between siblings would imply. But it would still be safe to put equal blame on both of them for their current situation...Well...maybe replace the word blame with something that doesn't have the same negative connotation and let's re-apply our knowledge.

Hiro got beat up. A lot.

His big brain caused problems more frequently than it solved them, and that was just when it was idle. A literal _brain_ jammed inside a cranial case, an abnormally large head, and someone was bound to punch him. When it was actually active, spewing out test answers and advanced logic, the violent kids could convince the passive ones there was even more of a reason to attack. That being said, nobody wanted to be affiliated with Hiro. They didn't want to be dumb in comparison, even if they had a relatively average intellect.

Tadashi acted on instinct.

He wanted nothing more than to help. And when his little brother happened to be the one in need, he tended to get a tad bit over protective.

But Hiro saw this as something else. He certainly didn't when he was younger. Hell, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. But now that there was something in existence which Hiro couldn't understand...he was _curious_. And his brother, his sole protector and source of affection was his only means of discovery, his only way to diagnose the lump in his throat and the drum in his chest pounding with every tender touch.

Hiro would find out.

He would kiss Tadashi again, just not now. Now was not the right place or the right time.

Now he could merely breathe him in. He could only accept the soft kisses to his eyelids with their good intentions, to relieve a non-existent sorrow.

They didn't talk about it the next day. In fact if Hiro hadn't know any better he would've assumed Tadashi had forgotten all about it. But Hiro did know better. Tadashi hadn't forgotten.

The older brother slipped out from the tangled mass of sheets and evaded the fragile limbs strewn over him. He stooped over the limp body that had invaded his bed before muttering apologetically and making his way to the dresser.

It only took a minute for Tadashi to change into a new pair of clothes, but that didn't stop Hiro from watching intently as fabric brushed past skin, revealing only to be hidden in mere seconds passed. Hiro had no real reason to get up. Tadashi had school to attend to, but the young high-school graduate didn't. He'd much rather spend his time observing in silence. Unfortunately these observations were noticed when his slim older brother turned around, seeing Hiro's puffy eyes and red cheeks peeking out from under the blankets.

Tadashi chucked. "Later bonehead."

"See ya, Nerd." Hero choked.

The door closed.

Another hour was spent wallowing in bed, rolling in the scent of Tadashi, the leftover warmth and the faded heartbeat. Hiro's lips had a weird achy feeling and he would occasionally press two fingers into his neck to check his pulse. Almost every time he did, he thought he was having a heart attack.

The black-haired teen wobbled when he finally stood, knees weak and body needing support, needing touch. If he thought he was having trouble focusing last night, then boy was he in for a surprise today.

_Battle bot..._, he thought.

_I'll work on...my battle bot-_

He tripped before he could make it to his desk.

_What is wrong with me?_

Droopy eyelids interrupted the young genius' train of thought every couple of seconds, a black sheet coming down in front of his vision to prevent the flow of ideas. Graphite touched the paper...his head nodded down...eyes closed for just a few seconds...sudden flood of awareness, jerk of the neck, dilation of pupils, then jaw relaxing again...repetition of the process.

But Hiro persevered, this time he _wanted_ to be awake, though that will didn't last very long.

Even if he'd gotten a decent amount of sleep last night, that wouldn't erase the fact his nose was still raw and his eyes were still dried out from tears. If he slept all day, would that cure it? But he couldn't...he couldn't fall asleep when there was so much he could be doing...head nodding down again, more pressure on the neck...shoulders tightening and awareness coming back suddenly…If only there was something he could...wait.

Hiro knew Tadashi would occasionally take meds to help him sleep. Every once in a while, on the night of a big exam, just to make sure the stress wouldn't keep him up, he'd take something. The teen wasn't quite sure what it was called off the top of his head, but he'd know it if he saw it. Still drowsy, Hiro made his way to their shared bathroom, scrummaging through the medicine cabinet, eventually coming across a bottle that seemed out of place. Yeah, that looked about right.

He popped two in his mouth out of instinct. Aunt cass would always give him two of those funky tasting vitamins in the mornings, although they were gummies so he couldn't really complain...Didn't Tadashi say they were all natural anyway? That they were filled with some weird plant leaves or something?

Straightaway he was lethargic, mentally incapable of thinking at his normal capacity. _Good...good, it's working,_ he thought.

He'd go back to bed, sleep off these weird feelings, and wake up feeling rested. That was the plan. But Hiro could barely make it back up the stairs, his entire body torpid, stiff, unwilling. His eyelids became incredibly heavy, and he clung to the railing, laughing at his own drowsiness. There was a thud that came from downstairs, the accompanying ring signifying it was in fact the front door. A quiet "Oh! You're back early.", from Aunt Cass and then the sound of Tadashi's voice.

_Tadashi's back early._..Hiro mused, almost dreamily, before the panic set in.

"Tadashi's back..._early_?", he thought aloud, trying to drag himself up the staircase as he heard footsteps come up behind him.


	3. Taste of the Universe

"Hiro?", a voice asked, ascending in volume as it approached the listener.

"_Shit", _the young boy fumbled, collapsing on his knees and grasping aimlessly at the was no way he could explain why he was so out of it. Heck, he couldn't even explain it to himself. Why did he have to take _two_?

Even barely being able to stand, he could still see the look of absolute terror plastered on Tadashi's face as he came into view, but Hiro, in his mindless state, interpreted it as something different.

"Hiro? Are you alright? Did you fall?", the older brother asked with concern, attempting to lend the younger a hand.

But it backfired, quick.

Without much thought, the drowsy teenager yanked the college student down with him, and a padded thunk followed the landing.

"Hey, Tadaaaashi-", Hiro chortled, soon realizing his words weren't going to come out of his mouth as he'd like them to.

"What are you-_how _did you-, nevermind just… can you stand?"

"Maaaybe.", Hiro slurred, using his older brother's arm as a support to keep from tumbling back over again. Tadashi sighed, trying with much effort to lead his unanimated brother back up to their room.

Meanwhile Hiro's mind sparked and flared, urges coming with the sudden closeness, all rationale unwilling to surface.

Tadashi closed the door behind them, intending to bombard the sleepy teen with more useless questions. But he was pulled down again, only this time it was onto Hiro's small twin-sized bed.

"Gah- Hiro, what are you-", he began, but was cut off with the unfamiliar pressure of foreign lips against his own. He struggled, attempting to push his brother off him without using too much force, but being gentle obviously wasn't getting the message across. Hiro was still in a daze, grabbing onto Tadashi's shoulders and pulling him closer, eyes closed and vaguely aware.

"Hiro.", the older murmured between clenched teeth, trying to fence off the boy's wandering tongue. Heavy-eyed and somnolent, Hiro moaned through the action, not noticing, or maybe ignoring the other's discomfort.

"Tadash-"

"Hiro."

"Ta-"

"Hiro."

"dashi-"

"Hiro!", the older sibling finally raised his voice, clearly showing his annoyance as he ripped himself away and firmly gripped the younger's shoulders. Everything stopped. Hiro knew he couldn't run away this time. He knew he made yet another ridiculously stupid social mistake, even as groggy as he was. So he just stared, eyes lidded, at his brothers flushed face, accepting inaction as a logical decision. But as time passed, even as minuscule a moment as this was, the slightest bit of awareness and logic rebooted in the back of his mind, and the concept of fear swirled around his brain like a dust storm. There was no way to know if Tadashi would forgive him this time. Closing his eyes as if preparing to be hit, Hiro craned his neck and dropped his head down in shame.

"...I'm so sorry, I should've known better, I shouldn't have-"

"Will this make you any happier?", Tadashi cut him off, suddenly calm.

"..Wh-what?", Hiro lifted his head, releasing some of the tension in his shoulders.

"Is this why you've been acting so strange lately?", he asked with a genuine curiosity, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Hiro hesitated momentarily before finally saying,"...You mean...you noticed?"

Tadashi laughed "It's pretty hard not to."

Hiro wasn't sure whether to be relieved or terrified. There was an equal chance of his brother accepting or rejecting him, but in either case he was still going to have to live with him, see him every day, and continue basic interactions. Hiro mentally crossed his fingers, although he knew the response wouldn't be a simple yes or no.

"Listen, Hiro. This is weird for me but...", his grip loosened.

"...But I'd be willing to...I guess...mess around, for lack of a better term, if it meant I was helping you.", Tadashi smiled awkwardly as if trying to lighten the mood.

"...Why were you hesitant though?", Hiro asked, making sure reality wasn't playing any tricks on him.

"I don't want to do anything that would hurt you, I want you to be fully aware. And by the looks of it you found my bottle of Melatonin, didn't you?"

Hiro snickered, then nodded a little too quickly.

"Well, here, something to make up for any damage I may have done.", and with that Tadashi leaned over, placing a soft kiss on Hiro's tiny quivering lips. It was short-lived, but nonetheless a taste of the universe, a speck of the galaxy exchanged through a simple touch.

**Author's note: Hey guys! I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this story just cause I don't know where I'm going with it, but who knows. I mean, I wrote the majority of it at like 3 am one night cause I couldn't sleep so maybe that'll happen again soon. But for now here's a little chunk to hold you over. **


	4. Love is a Good Thing

"...Tadashi?", Hiro murmurs, once again finding himself standing in the doorway leading to his brother's half of the room. Except tonight there was no hesitation. Tonight his intention was to wake.

"Tadashi?", he repeats, slightly louder. But the lumps under the sheets don't move, and so Hiro takes the unspoken invitation to enter. There's a slight shift under blankets as the younger brother disrupts the stillness, trailing unsure fingers through the elder's hair. A groan, a swivel, and Hiro knows Tadashi is awake.

"Hey, Tadashi.", he says once again, voice levelling off at a regular volume.

"...huh?", is what Hiro assumes Tadashi asks, but in reality it's just another muffled grumble longing for sleep.

"Are you up?", Hiro continues, watching as the moonlight crawls into his brother's eyes, revealing their reddish brown hue.

"...Pshh, well I am now bonehead.", he taps the back of Hiro's skull lightly as if expecting it to be hollow. The younger chuckles, and for a second he forgets why he's there. But it's only a second, and then his previous motivations come crashing down. He swallows hard.

"...Kiss me."

It's quiet. Hiro breathes in a single deep, shaky breath as a multitude of expressions flow on and off of his brother's face like a film reel. First confusion, then doubt, understanding, wanting...

Then a smirk, and Hiro knows he's in trouble. They stare at each other for a brief moment, and suddenly the young boy is pulled down and covered in blankets. Tadashi's head is leaning against Hiro's chest, and an odd sense of warmth fills the dull void.

"What are you-"

"Your heart is beating really fast.", the elder states with an odd mix of sureness and curiosity.

"Y-yeah.", Hiro replies. There's no denying the evidence rattling around inside him.

"Do I make you nervous, Hiro?", the question is piercing. It makes the other boy shiver.

"G-goodness, no! That's not-"

"Then why do you tense up? And breathe really fast, and shake, and all those other things you do when I'm close to you."

There's silence again, aside from the breathing and rapid heartbeats keeping the moon awake.

"But it's...a good thing.", is the only semi intelligent thing Hiro can manage to say. He knows he'll have to explain himself regardless.

"A good thing?", Tadashi seems even more confused. After all, how can all these physical ailments be "good" in any sense of the word?

"It's...", Hiro stops and laughs at himself to try and ease off some of the upcoming embarrassment.

"...Love is a good thing.", he says quietly, averting his there's silence again, and as Hiro becomes impatient he looks down only to see the confused expression on his brother's face.

_God, do I have to spell it out for you?_

"...love.", Tadashi re-iterates, as if testing the word 's not a question this time. Apparently neither of the Hamada brothers knew how feelings worked. Tadashi sighs and sinks a tad bit more into Hiro's chest, finally realizing how comfortable it is.

Hiro hates these long pauses. He feels helpless as his torso rises and falls with every exhalation, gently shifting the one on top of him. His heartbeat rings in his ears and shakes his entire body; he knows Tadashi can hear it. But it's also in these moments that Hiro feels incredibly...alive. It's a completely different type of awareness, where he can feel every part of his body with equal energy and resistance. It makes him wonder how he doesn't crumple up and turn to dust when Tadashi's gone. His entire self and being is Tadashi, a terrifying and liberating concept, especially when said individual was willing to show some extent of affection. The kind of affection he wanted. No..._needed_. But it certainly was never achieved easily. It took some effort to get any results.

His eyes glance at Tadashi to see if his expression has changed. It has, but now it's just kind of dazed, sleepy. Hiro wonders if Tadashi was just going to fall asleep on him. That wouldn't be all that bad if it wasn't driving him crazy. He wanted to touch him, even if just the moon-soaked hair on his head, or his broad shoulders or the hot cheeks sinking into him or-

"Do you love me, Hiro?"

Hiro nods furiously, instinctively. His brother laughs at first, then his face melts into a completely different expression. His brows furrow, almost concerned, but his mouth is stretched out into a smile. There's shifting and adjusting, and Tadashi leans up to kiss Hiro so suddenly, so casually, that it takes a moment for the action to sink in. Hiro blinks a couple of times, face flushed, skin tingling. He feels as if he might throw up from the excitement his heart is pounding so fast. But he can't throw up. He has to kiss Tadashi again.

The older is still lingering there close to his face, twisted around and half leaning on him. His eyes are still closed, and the odd grin still present. Hiro admires him for a moment, then flutters his eyes shut and brings their lips together again. They separate briefly and then sink back into each other, repeating kisses become softer and longer, melting into the strange sensations. Tadashi finally pulls away. Hiro blushes profusely when he accidentally leans forward with him in an attempt to continue their endeavors.

They calm themselves to the sound of their own breathing, staring into each other's eyes and bathing in starlight. That's when Hiro says the unthinkable.

"Do you love me, Tadashi?"  
>And he nods.<p>

Hiro sleeps like a baby that night, soothed by body heat and hopeful thoughts of the future.

**Author's note: This one was super sappy but I hope you guys still liked it! :) Thanks to everyone who's been leaving reviews, it makes me super happy! **


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